It's quite hard communicating with my two, even using the common vernacular, but when they start throwing in all kinds of random words and phrases that I don't understand, it can take ages before I work out what they really mean. Like some kind of secret code.
So, I thought I'd share the ones that I have managed to de-code so far (seriously, I could use some kind of Turing style enigma code breaker, this has taken me weeks) just in case any other parents out there struggle as much as I do.
This list is by no means exhaustive. They'll probably change them or make up a whole new language next week...
So I'll start with the easy ones first and work my way up.
Not those things that people used to put on the tops of curtains in the 90s. I once had a neighbour whose house was stuffed with swathes of fabric, hanging from every curtain pole in her house. This is what I think of when people say swag. But it really isn't anything to do with that if you are a teen. Everyone is swag or swaggy, unless you are over the age of about 25 and then you are probably not swag. I have no idea what makes people swag, but you either are or you aren't. And if you aren't then it's not a good thing.
Not James the singer. Or a tree in your garden. It is pronounced the same but that's where the similarity ends. Simply it means "before all else" and typically refers to a loved one or someone you fancy. You'd think that being a loved one (of sorts) that all parents are bae, but no. Justin Bieber is bae, parents are not.
|Remember, this is BAY and Bieber is BAE|
A sort of a noise that comes out of some teenagers. Just annoying and has absolutely no purpose whatsoever. Still don't really know why, probably best to just ignore it like I do, to be honest.
On fleek or on point, as in just right, looking good or words to that effect. "My mascara is on fleek", "my hair is on fleek", "this nailpolish is on fleek", you get the picture. All about the way you look. Sentences that are never ever likely to include the words on fleek include:
"Mum, this chicken pie that you have spend all afternoon baking for us is really on fleek"
"Mum, thanks for making the bed today, my room is so on fleek"
"Mum your stripy top and jeans combo is on fleek!"
I am not on fleek. Nothing I do is on fleek. It's all about them. Always. So self absorbed. *sniff*
This one is dead simple. You have a squad, which is a gang or group of friends and they have goals. Erm, I've no idea what these goals might be. Maybe tickets to a Five Seconds of Summer concert? Or a trip to the Trafford Centre for some new Converse? Who knows. Incidentally, who do they all like now that 1D have split up? I knew where I was with them. He's a nice lad, that Harry...
Nothing whatsoever to do with Homepride sliced white bread. Saying things like "I'm just going to use this homeslice to make you a nice sandwich for your lunch, is cheese and pickle OK?" will get you nowhere. It is not slang for bread. A homeslice is a person who is like a slice of home to you, like a really really good friend or a sibling (probably one that you don't want to kill or inflict some major torture on because they've been in your bedroom and touched your phone/laptop/dirty socks on the floor). I am a homeslice apparently. I'm so pleased about this that I might even get it printed on a t-shirt. It's the only form of recognition I've had in months.
|NOT a homeslice|
If someone is abut to go somewhere then they say this. Not as in "Time to make tracks" but just "tracks". A complete sentence in itself. The teenagers have just decided that all the other words that make up the structure of the sentence here are superfluous and that one word is all you need. It must save an awful lot of energy, which is something that we could all do with from time to time. I might just start doing that myself in fact, especially when I ask the teens to do things, "EAT!" ,"CLOTHES!", "WASH!". It gets the message across far quicker, doesn't it? Incidentally, while tracks is used to denote that you are going somewhere, you must never say it when you are only popping to Tesco with your parents. That is not cool.
"That is SICK!" yelled the teen girl last week. Oh no, I thought. Who had vommed all over the carpet now? (We've all been a bit ill in the past month). But apparently nobody had been ill, to my great relief. It turns out that if something is sick then that means it's good (but not swag, why do so many words they've invented mean the same thing, isn't one word enough?), but not just good, like awesome in fact. Examples of things that are sick in this house include, the pre-teen's neon orange football boots, some new special edition fantasy game, which includes women in bikini armour with swords and blue hair, that Nintendo have launched, and the pot of sprinkles that I bought last week to decorate biscuits with, which had four different types of sprinkles in. Although they might have been playing me with that last one. I honestly can never tell.
So there you have it, a little glimpse into the world of teen-speak. Remember, there will be at least five minutes for you to learn this until they change it for another group of random words.
Still, I suppose their ability to adapt so easily and master so many uses for the English language might come in handy one day? They might make excellent MI5 agents for example. I'll bet government secrets would be completely secure if given to a handful of teenagers to DM each other on Instagram. Something else nobody understands.
Probably best if we leave them to it...